Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
