I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
