tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
