she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
