you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
