Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just found puke in my bra..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
