so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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