Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
