you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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