Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
