Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
