so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize