how can u be prego again
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
