I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize