Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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