Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
