you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
