I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
