i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
