I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
