I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
