Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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