I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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