I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
