Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
