The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
