remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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