Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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