Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
