It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
