Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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