She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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