There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
