Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
