A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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