White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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