she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
