Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
