You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
