It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
