Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
