hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
