I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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