I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
