she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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