At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
