My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize