going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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