ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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