I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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