If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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