New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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