dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
