i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Someone shattered a urinal.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
