I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
