My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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