I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
