Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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