I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize