so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
