The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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