you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
