So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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