He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
