It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
