Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
