Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
