Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
