they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
