New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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